On Losing a Baby during Pregnancy

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No sooner did I write this post expressing my hopes and fears for baby number 2 did we find out that we lost our sweet baby. I should have been 16 weeks 3 days pregnant, but our angel baby stopped growing at 13 weeks 5 days. I felt like the world came crashing down around me. It’s such a strange and empty feeling to have been pregnant one day and not the next, without having a living, breathing baby in your arms.

Although I know logically that anything can happen during pregnancy, it was still a horrible shock to lose our baby in the second trimester. I’d had some bleeding on and off during the first trimester, but we’d seen a healthy heartbeat five times. We thought we were in the clear. It’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that a new baby won’t be joining our family this April, a baby who we dreamed about and who was so, so loved.

But, despite our heartbreak, it’s a welcome reminder that life is such a gift. We’re trying to understand this loss as part of our story, albeit a devastating one.

My mom gave me a beautiful print that captures my feelings about this loss perfectly. It reads: I carried you every second of your life, and I’ll love you for every second of mine. So, although I know it will get easier with time, and I pray we’ll go on to grow our family soon, this angel baby will always hold a piece of my heart. If you’ve experienced a pregnancy loss, my heart goes out to you, too.

Brittany Van Den Brink is a PhD Candidate and freelance writer living in small-town Ontario with her husband, baby son, and their Golden Retriever, Chevy. She founded Motherhood Her Way to collaborate with other moms as they go through the ups and downs of motherhood. Say hi on Instagram @brittanyvandenbrink.